Things are changing here at Shared Ventures and as a result our April newsletter did not make it out. SORRY!

We are calling the May newsletter our “transitional newsletter.” It’s a little bit like adding an addition to your house. Just when you think you’ve got it right, someone comes up with a great idea and you are back to the drawing board. I can’t give you any more details, but I can say in June, both the newsletter and the website will have a fresh, cohesive new look. Thank you for all of your support. We appreciate you all.

Please read our recent announcements (First Parenting On Track One-Day Workshop and New Parenting On Track Web Site…,) articles (Mommy Guilt? Say What?) and updates (Sibling Rivalry) below.

Be well,

Vicki

First Parenting On Track One-Day Workshop A Resounding Success

By Jennifer Nault

Ice storm. Who cares? Not the parents who came out in the terrible weather to participate in the first Parenting On Track One-Day Workshop!

Here is what parents are saying:

Vicki’s energy is refreshing - so humorous and dynamic.
— Heidi R., mother of 1

I would absolutely recommend the program to others. This is an approach that has straightforward steps to choose from, that you can experiment with over time, and that can transform family relationships. I am excited. I loved Vicki’s honesty, humor, experience, and belief in what is possible.
— Mary S., mother of 2

Really helpful. Totally appreciate the humor and Vicki’s animation. Like dog training — it’s re-training parents!
— Betsy R., mother of 2

I personally never tire from listening to Vicki present this life-changing information. Every time I attend one of the Parenting On Track programs and feel Vicki’s endless enthusiasm, I am inspired to bring my best self to my role as a parent.

I invite you to experience the benefits of the Parenting On Track One-Day Workshop and discover things about yourself and your children that will have you crying and laughing simultaneously.

In a recent workshop Vicki answered a parent’s question about letting her daughter make decisions by saying, “It’s not about you as the parent having all the control — it’s about allowing your child to develop self-control.”

Watch for more Parenting On Track One-Day Workshops coming soon to your area.

Stop the Fighting — Update

By Vicki Hoefle

Wow, what a response! We had over 100 people read the complete article written by my friend Lisa Shappy. Evidently, sibling rivalry is as hot a topic as ever. I Googled how many books there were on the subject of Sibling Rivalry. To date, there are 1467 books on the subject. WOW!

With that in mind, here are some additional thoughts on the subject.

Sibling Rivalry
“From their struggles to establish dominance over each other, siblings become tougher and more resilient. From their endless rough-housing with each other, they develop speed and agility. From their verbal sparring they learn the difference between being clever and being hurtful. From the normal irritations of living together, they learn how to assert themselves, defend themselves, compromise. And sometimes, from their envy of each other’s special abilities, they become inspired to work harder, persist and achieve.”
— Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

If you have more than one child, you have dealt with sibling rivalry. Some of us may have more experience with it than others, but all of us have (or will have) the unpleasant experience of listening to children argue, whine, cry… you know where I’m going with this.

The most common question we hear among parents is, “Why do my children fight?”

It could be as simple as this:

Your child…

• Is hungry, tired or bored
• Is trying to define him or herself as an individual within the family
• Wants an equal amount of attention from you (and fighting sure does get your attention!)
• Is trying to show power
• Doesn’t understand that “peace” is a family value
• Is feeling stress, OR, what is more likely, is reacting to YOUR level of stress.

While it may be important to have a handle on why your children are arguing, what you DO about the fighting is MORE important.

“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
— Bill Cosby

When the children are fighting — as long as no one is getting hurt — do your best to stay out of the fight. Let them work it out. It might seem hard to “do nothing,” but intervening will only cause the fight to escalate, and you may end up entering the conflict as a yelling, lecturing participant.

Change comes about by implementing proactive strategies that focus on what we WANT, not on what we don’t want.

These include:

1. Using your Road Map to identify where you are and where you want to go, i.e. from yelling, screaming, and fighting to peace and quiet
2. Creating a plan on how you as a family will get there, which might include:
   • Paying attention to the time of day the arguing occurs and taking care of your children’s basic needs first.
   • Giving each child unique time and attention (not just equal time).
   • Teaching and modeling positive ways to interact; for toddlers, this means trading toys instead of grabbing, and for older kids, this means expressing how they feel without judging the other person.
   • Making sure each of your children have their own time and space.
   • Really LISTENING to your children when they talk to you and to each other.
3. Discussing family values and creating your mission statement as a way to refocus energy from fighting to cooperation.
4. Noticing progress and improvement, and acknowledging this at your next family meeting.

Using these techniques can help you create an atmosphere of compromise, respect, and cooperation in your family.

“When my children were in high school they fought horribly, and they couldn’t have been more different. My oldest was top of her class in sports, grades, and honors, while my middle and youngest couldn’t get into enough trouble! Today, my oldest is a lawyer, my middle is a teacher, and my youngest owns his own business. They are all successes, and more importantly, they are close. What more could a parent ask for?”

Conflict is a normal part of life, and any solution you try will take time. Be patient! Not only can these steps help you get through the day, they are an investment in your family’s future.

Milk Without Chocolate

Mommy Guilt? Say What?

By Vicki Hoefle

A lot of articles have been written lately about “mommy guilt.” This is the feeling that many mothers have when society suggests they don’t spend enough time with their children. To that I say, HA! Listen, quite frankly, guilt is an indulgence. Here is what my grandmother told me about guilt when I was a child—stop doing whatever it is that is bringing on this feeling of guilt, and it will go away. Simple in theory, difficult to practice. However, she was right — we just don’t have time for guilt, AND it doesn’t really solve anything.

Interestingly, studies show that today’s parents actually spend more time with their children than they did 40 or 50 years ago. So why do we still feel guilty? Most likely it’s because we still don’t know what is more important when it comes to time spent together — “quantity” or “quality.”

There are many opinions out there on whether quantity or quality time is more important, and if we polled all the parents we knew we probably would get a mixed result, as well. So which is more important? Why can’t the answer be “BOTH“?

Quantity
Time is precious. We don’t seem to have enough time to get all of the things on our to-do list done, let alone spend lots of time with our kids. So make your schedule fit your family’s schedule now and then to allow for time together. You can keep busy and still be accessible to your kids — have them help you around the house, cook dinner, or run errands with you. Realize that being present, listening to them when they talk to you, and playing what they want to play is just as important as going to Disneyland.

Quality
While even the simple times you spend together are important, so are the one-on-one or family activities that you plan. Doing something special can stir up your child’s imagination, create lasting memories, and open up a new world of possibilities for them. Check the newspaper for local activities and “hot spots,” or just do something different. For example, you could “get lost” together and explore a new neighborhood or nature trail, have a picnic at the park with friends, or go to a local sporting event.

So stop focusing on your guilt and focus on the moment. The most important thing is to HAVE FUN with your kids. If you are having fun, then chances are they are having fun, too.

FREE Access To A Financial Guru During Tax Season?

Yes! Ms. Christine Moriarty took time out from her schedule to spend 90 minutes talking with parents on the topic of Money.

No surprise to us that over 70 people registered for our third FREE Tele Class with Certified Financial Planner and Financial Speaker, Christine Moriarty of MoneyPeace.

Parents from across the country participated from home, cozy and warm—using modern technology—and connected with an amazing and knowledgeable expert on the subject of money and families.

Thank you Christine and all who attended another memorable and enlightening Parenting On Track Free Tele Class.

How do you participate in these classes? It’s simple - Just register. We will be announcing new Tele Classes every 6 weeks- keep on the look out!

Interested in further discussion on special topics- let us know and we’ll find an outside expert for you to meet.

New Parenting On Track Web Site…

We are putting the finishing touches on a powerful, new and engaging site that will make it easy for you and thousands of others to access more of the Parenting On Track program and other offerings from Shared Ventures as well. We will announce the launch date later this month!

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